Do desires inherently result in sorrow? In a discourse, I learned about the qualities of desire and there was one particular thought that gave so much clarity.
Desires are considered good if they meet the following three criteria:
1. They must be legitimate and dharmic. We don't intentionally hurt others to fulfill our desires
2. They must be moderate. Even if it is a dharmic desire, we might indulge too much in its pursuit that we forget to take time to work on our inner self
3. Most importantly, they must be non-binding.
This third point struck a chord when I heard the example given by the speaker. Suppose, you like to have a cup of coffee every morning as soon as you wake up. This is a desire, but it becomes binding when you get irritated/upset/angry on those mornings when you cannot get that cup of coffee. You might be traveling in a remote location or your milk delivery person might be delayed. You are bound to that desire to have coffee so much that it dictates your emotional start to the day.
Our day-to-day routine is seemingly filled with so many binding desires. We desire to reach our destination on time, but the cab isn't available, the driver cancels our trip or we get stuck in a traffic jam.
Binding desires impact our psychological stability like minor earthquakes now and then. Behind every strong negative emotion - fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, helplessness, insecurity, and perceived lack of control, there is a binding desire if we introspect deeply. Taking medications or other treatments to address the symptoms won't make much difference unless we address the root cause.
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