Book Review: Bad Therapy by Abigail Shrier

One extreme used to say, "Others' feelings are more important than mine",while the other extreme is now loudly declaring, "My feelings are the most important. I don't care about how others feel".

As always, extremes are the reason behind many problems today. Parents are misguided by the so-called parenting Insta experts to be on their guard and keep track of every single feeling and emotion of their child. "So how does that make you feel?" - a therapist-sounding question has now become common parlance among young parents, thanks to "gentle parenting" forums and workshops.

"Bad Therapy - Why the Kids aren't Growing Up" by Abigail Shrier is a much-needed book that gives an important perspective on modern-day parenting. She reiterates multiple times throughout the book that there are certain conditions (bipolar, schizophrenia, chronic depression, etc), where therapy is required and she doesn't deny the value it brings to the table. However, she also points out how it is being misused and the repercussions of it, especially among teenagers.

Though the context and examples are set in the US, urban Indian parents can relate to many of the issues discussed. It was eye-opening (and shocking!) to read about the diagnosis and treatment protocols that are prescribed under the pretext of mental health. Though the title focuses on "therapy", the author provides how the entire ecosystem has been incentivized - schools, therapists, counselors, parenting "gurus" - to quickly diagnose, label and medicate young children and teens. 

She brings up the issue of iatrogenesis - how therapy can make things worse and lists down ten indicators of Bad Therapy with relevant examples. These indicators are evident in the content strategy of many Insta-only psychologists who mint money through expensive courses and workshops.

In this age of social media, she points out the trend to use mental issues as a conversation piece among certain people, in return to gain sympathy and attention and to create an identity with the diagnoses.

The chapters on surveys bring up the negative repercussions of assessments that hunt for data related to mental health and implant new ideas and concerns in the minds of middle and high-school children, which are being circulated in public schools. The author also brings up the issues behind the gentle parenting trend that prevents kids from building resilience and functioning in a community, expecting accommodation and seeking avoidance when a challenge comes forth.

A must-read book for parents. Mental health ailments are supposedly the new pandemic and there is a thriving ecosystem that is pushing this agenda big time among children and teenagers.  

5 factors that disturb the state of mind and how to overcome them

 In a discourse that I attended recently, the speaker shared about five main factors that disturb the state of our mind:

• Giving high importance to oneself (in other words, egoistic)
• Jealousy
• Too many desires
• Dwelling in the past or future that leads to regret, grudges, or worry
• Focusing only on the negatives in the past, present or future

Humility is the antidote to overcoming the feeling of high self-importance.

Feeling a sense of love and genuine happiness for the other person's successes/victories is the antidote to overcoming jealousy that we might feel towards him/her.

Contentment and gratitude are the antidotes to reducing our desires.

Acceptance, letting go, and forgiveness are the antidotes to avoid dwelling in the past.

Having unshakeable trust in the Divine plans and a strong belief that everything will turn out for the good, with a sense of surrender are the antidotes to avoid worrying about the future.

The mind is habituated to tune itself to the negatives that might have happened in the past, happening in the present, or may occur in the future.

Through consistent practice, one can consciously focus on the positives around us and can stay away from sources that feed negativity. 

Integrative Medicine

 In the past 10 days, I had the opportunity to observe and participate in the Yoga therapy-specific techniques offered to the participants of SVYASA Arogyadhama - an integrative medicine hospital, as part of my MSc Yoga Internship. 

Firstly, it was heartening to note that those who come for treatment procedures are referred to as "participants" and not as "patients".

The experience was eye-opening in many ways. 

As I was reading through various case files and summaries, stress and disturbed sleep emerged as a common pattern among many participants with ailments such as obesity, hypertension, GERD, urticaria, etc. They were neither smoking nor drinking alcohol. 

We often hear about how the quality of life deteriorates with non-communicable diseases such as diabetes, asthma, high BP, etc. It was also devastating to see participants diagnosed with Parkinson's disease and the inability to do basic movements by the participant (and the impact on his/her caretaker). While conducting the Pranayama class, I noticed how the wife of a participant with Parkinson's disease was using her hands to press the nostrils of her husband so that he could experience the passive practice of Nadi Shuddhi Pranayama (alternate nostril breathing).

Simple practices done consistently over time yield major improvements in our overall health. For eg, 9 rounds of deep breathing can help clear our rush of thoughts. But we succumb to the expectations of our mind that often crave more novel practices. 

Integrative medicine approaches health from multiple perspectives and effectively addresses modern-day ailments. Many people are now realizing the efficacy of the combination of Yoga, Ayurveda, naturopathy, and Siddha. At the same time, there are also so-called medical influencers on social media (backed by funding from vested interests) who blatantly dismiss them, and label them as "pseudo-science".  Modern medicine has a role to play, and so are our ancient medical streams. It is up to us to use our intellect, research, and evaluate what suits our body, mind, and disposition for both preventive as well as treatment of ailments. 

Toxic work culture

 As I read the letter from the grieving mom of Anna (EY Pune), it feels so sad and devastating that the life of a girl with high ambitions and hard work is all lost due to the toxic work culture.

Workplace stress is not only due to long work hours. Toxic work culture shows up in many subtle ways too. It not only pushes the junior-level employees but also expects mid-senior level employees to get work done from the team and meet unrealistic targets.

A few incidents from the past left a deep mark and made me question if it was worth the mental anxiety and stress, although I loved my role in product management.

• When I was asked to push a designer and force a tight deadline on him to get the designs ready
• When I was questioned as a manager how I granted work-from-home permission for many days to a subordinate recovering from surgery
• When I remembered the false promises made during hiring - "We are very flexible, our employees are distributed all over the world and we encourage work from home" only to realize that after a few months, the rule was changed overnight due to the founder's sudden whims. Everyone was informed that they needed to work from the office location. People (with ailing family members) were forced to relocate from other states in a matter of weeks.
• Blatant bullying by peers with egoistic attitudes (wrote about it earlier)
• The feud among the leaders of a startup resulting in conflicting boundaries - the CEO wants a dedicated product head, whereas the business head who was driving the product initiatives so far wouldn't want to let go of his product privilege and create roadblocks in various forms to the new product person who has come onboard.
• Ethical dilemmas and compromises - data manipulation, setting a narrative in such a way that customers make purchase decisions (extending their contract, buying new product licenses, etc) from a place of fear rather than offering any real value-add.

Book Review: Yoga Sutras Simplified by Vasudev Murthy

 Maharishi Patanjali's Yoga Sutras (PYS) dive into the psychology of the human mind. It is one of the most important texts for a Yoga Sadhaka / practitioner. Many have written translations and commentaries on this text. I bought the book "Yoga Sutras Simplified" by Vasudev Murthy in May 2023 (before I signed up for my Yoga instructor course and MSc Yoga), but never got around to reading it. 

In the past year, I got the opportunity to learn the essence of Yoga Sutras from various sources. Given that PYS is one of the subjects in my current semester, I picked up this book recently. 

The author says in the Introduction - "The Yoga Sutras analyse the fickle mind in extraordinary detail and ought to be required reading for psychologists!". I couldn't agree more. He has provided the gist of all 4 chapters, covering the key takeaways.

The author has approached this book neither as a translation nor a typical commentary. He has given a refreshing take by interweaving the core principles behind certain sutras and his experiences and reflections. The writing style is simple and lucid, with clear explanations of the concepts, especially on vrittis, kleshas, types of samadhis, yamas and niyamas, samyama, etc. He has also connected certain ideas with music-based examples, given his background in music. 

Here are a few of my favorite lines:

Indifference to the results of knowledge is the highest form of dispassion.

A mind that soaks in all manners of disturbances under various guises is a mind that will never actually find peace and purpose.

Sorrow arrives disguised as transient pleasure.

A person's temperament affects the temperament of everyone around!

If the mind is agitated, bodily balance is unachievable.

What is "rational" depends on your framework of knowledge. You may not know what you do not know.

This is a beginner-friendly book that will inspire one to pick up the main text and read more elaborate commentaries by other authors.